Slave to my own fears, no more. I am a frigging goddess. A queen. And you are scared of that. It’s OK. It’s better this way. I free myself from the shackles of my own fears and leave you to continue to live in yours.
Tonight is the night I let you go.
My heart, she is a healer, capable of self-healing. She’ll remember how you captured her once upon a time. How you were a light in the darkness. She’ll remember the times when thoughts of you brought darkness. She’ll remember it all.
Someone I love is hurting and this pain is creating fear. This fear is stopping them from loving. This fear is stopping them from receiving love. This fear is stopping them from living a more fulfilled life. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t stop the pain. I can’t remove the fear. I have ideas about what they can do to start healing – to feel less pain. To lessen the fear. But still my hands are tied because they need to take the steps to get there. I can’t walk that path for them.
“You’re so strong, Michelle.” I’ve heard that so many times from so many people. You see, I was in pain. I was filled with fear. But it wasn’t strength that got me from that place of pain and fear to where I am today. It was courage. I took courage and took the first step. The first step wasn’t easy. I didn’t care so much about easy when I did it. I wanted to be on the other side of the pain and fear that overwhelmed me constantly. I wanted to move forward and well, the only way to move forward is to move. Moving forward doesn’t necessarily require strength. It most certainly requires courage.
“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” Benjamin Mee, We Bought a Zoo
We so often think we need strength or confidence or something else to achieve something. Sometimes, to heal a broken heart, the thing we need is just a little bit of courage and the rest will come.
The first of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is:
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
This came up in conversation recently with a client after a crystal healing session. He commented on the synchronicity of me speaking of this with him and just the day before he’d had a conversation with his friend about this very subject. Follow the signs, right?
Since this conversation with him, I’ve been noticing my own words. Am I using it in the direction of truth and love? Am I using my words to manipulate, to hurt, to control? Always noticing, being the observer.
Last week I saw something on Facebook that made me think about how being impeccable with your word also applies to things that we post on social media. Let me tell you about the post…it was a short video of a woman doing a cartwheel. So far, harmless. Except that she was wearing a dress and no underwear and also happened to be overweight. This posting of this video, all 4 seconds of it, and please note, not the video itself, really grated on me (read really pissed me off).
I thought of females who may see this video and think it’s probably best not to do cartwheels in public in case anyone’s filming them. I thought of females who may think not to do any fitness activity in public in case they are laughed at, even just by one person. I thought of women. I thought of girls. I thought of me. I remembered younger me not wanting to do much of anything because well, most likely there will be laughter or ridicule because that’s what happens to overweight kids. They get laughed at. This is what that video has the power to create – limiting beliefs that can stay with someone their whole life(times).
When we post something on social media, whether we are sharing a video or an article, etc, we are silently using our words. Words have power and on social media it is so easy to exercise this power without having to actually say a thing. Just hit share and it’s done.
Words have power. Words can hurt. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Bullshit! Words hurt like a mofo. The body can heal from those sticks and stones. The damage caused by the words may go unseen but can be carried for life.
OK, I think I’m done now. Thanks for bearing with me on this rant. It’s been brewing for a while now and I had to get out of bed to come downstairs and write it.
The world is full of words misdirecting us from truth and love. If each one of us take the time to think before we write that next status, click the share button, retweet, etc, individually and collectively, we can make a difference.
In 2016, while on my EFT practitioner course, I was introduced to Ho’oponopono – something that I have carried with me ever since. A seemingly simple set of 4 phrases, its impact is profound. I won’t go into the details of the history of Ho’oponopono in this post – there’s plenty of information about it online. Here’s one article.
This quote sums up the essence of Ho’oponopono…
In common with other shamanic traditions, the Hawaiian tradition teaches that all life is connected. Ho’oponopono is, therefore, not only a way of healing ourselves, but others and our world as well.
– Timothy Freke, Shamanic Wisdomkeepers
Those 4 phrases? Ready? Here goes:
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Seems too simple, right? Try it for a while. Let me know if anything changes for you.
Sending so much love to you. Thank you for reading. ❤️
A while ago I shared about how I used Emotional Freedom Technique (also called EFT or Tapping) to overcome a fear of swimming. When I realised how powerful this modality is, I decided to train to become an EFT practitioner. At the time of writing this, I’m almost certified. Yay!
Part of my work with doTERRA essential oils, is creating classes with my team. Recently we created a class addressing how to use essential oils to support emotional wellbeing. I was invited to talk about EFT in the class in order to give the audience yet another tool in their wellbeing toolbox.
It pushed me out of my comfort zone and I welcomed that. It’s where the magic happens, right?
If you’re feeling stressed and need some support, I really hope you find this video useful.
Would you like to see EFT videos on other subjects? Let me know.
My mum arrived on holiday on 2nd August. Everyday she was exposed to my doTERRA essential oils as I usually have my diffuser going. On Friday 5th August, she was suffering with diarrhea and vomiting. I consulted with my doTERRA group for advice with oils to assist and proceeded to treat my mom with the oils. By the Saturday, she was still very ill and I got her an appointment with a doctor at A&E.
Within hours of her arriving at hospital and various tests done, she was admitted to ICU and I was told that she’s ‘quite sick’. The following day, Sunday, I felt quite light as I went to visit her. I was wearing some oils, I forget which one, and had picked some crystals to take with me.
On entering the ward, mum was awake, I made light of how scary things were the night before and she asked me to cover her as she was cold. I turned to ask the nurse to move the blankets as I didn’t want to disturb all the pipes and then mum started gasping for breath. Alarms went off on the machine. I got pushed out of the way. It was bad. I started screaming, crying and shaking. I was scared. Was this it? It couldn’t be it. Not like this.
A wonderful nurse called Grace led me out of the ward to a special room. She fetched me tissues and water and sat with me as I wailed. She asked me about my family. Urged me to call someone so I had company. She held my hands. She held the space for me through the uncertainty of what was happening.
I was informed later that I had witnessed my mum going into cardiac arrest. And that she had another one after that but ‘at least’ her heart didn’t stop the second time. I was also informed that she was suffering with kidney failure and needed to go on dialysis but dialysis was causing the cardiac arrest. They were going to try dialysis a third time (but a different mix of drugs) and asked if we wanted to see mum before they did it. The unspoken words were ‘just in case’.
Thankfully the new dialysis worked successfully and I could go and see mum. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. Mum was so swollen like someone had pumped her up like a balloon. She had pipes and needles everywhere, even one in her throat. They had asleep. Euphemism for coma.
That night I wondered if I had contributed to this condition. Was I too arrogant about my amazing oils?
The next day, and everyday after that, I wore the doTERRA Peace blend as my perfume. I sat by her bedside from 1pm – 8pm talking to her, reading to her, laying hands on her to send her healing. Without thinking, when people asked me how I was doing, my answer always ended with something along the lines of, ‘but underneath it all, I have a sense of peace.’
A week later, she was out of the coma. Then after that she came off dialysis. I mixed her a special blend of oils with coconut oil to use as a moisturiser in hospital. With mum awake and alert, doctors and nurses would visit her and tell her how amazed they were with her recovery. A doctor told her it was amazing she’s alive. A nurse told her that it was a miracle that she actually walked into the hospital by herself given how ill she was.
Some of the bruising
After 4 weeks in hospital, she was discharged. Her arms looked battered and bruised and we treated them with oils and they completely healed. Tired backs, bramble scratched arms, swollen ankles, insomnia…all treated with the oils. I even overheard my dad on the phone to my brother in South Africa saying, ‘those oils of Michelle are amazing!’ 🙂
I chose to believe in miracles that Sunday. Looking back though, I also choose to believe in the possibility that the oils were supporting my mum even before she entered hospital. I also believe in the possibility that the healing I sent her helped create a miracle.
I recently started a Reiki course. It’s not the average one or two day per level course. Each level is done over three months and it covers so much more than Reiki. I was attuned to Reiki level 2 about 7 years ago and already in these three weeks, I have learned so much.
Week 3 of the course is Protection week and we look at various ways to protect ourselves energetically. We are also invited to take a shamanic journey (meditation) to meet our guardian spirit animal/s.
I’ve found it difficult to dedicate a fixed amount of time to this course (Spirit School) due to being with Baby Girl all day every day, except on weekends. So last night, even though it was already late, I decided to do the journey. Something was urging me to go and meet my spirit animals.
With a drumming track playing just loud enough to not disturb Baby Girl, and Vyana in one ear, softly guiding the start of the journey, I was transported. I made my way to the Lower World via a tree (I’m not sure if it’s real) that I visualised in Kirstenbosch Gardens in Cape Town, South Africa. I made my way there and when I arrived in Lower World, I was greeted by an ancestor, a bushman (the San people). He led me to a fallen tree trunk to sit and wait for my spirit animal.
Owl appeared. Wow! Since the weekend, I’ve been seeing owls. Not live ones but in fabrics, ornaments, books. Maybe these were the signs to show Owl’s presence? No such thing as coincidence. Owl’s message to me was this
“What you seek is already within you.”
I thanked Owl and then the ancestor returned. This time he had a snake around his neck which he handed to me. This was a surprise. Until very recently, I was terrified of snakes. Until a few months ago when we were at a place called Monkey Town and someone came out of the reptile centre with a very big snake and Baby Girl ran to go and touch it. Immediately, and without thinking, I had to dissolve that fear in order to ensure Baby Girl’s safety. I came face to face with that snake and it was gone. Thanks Baby Girl. So there I was, in this journey, holding Snake. The communication?
“I’ve always been with you. I needed to you overcome your fear before I could reveal myself to you. You weren’t ready before”
Double wow! I couldn’t even watch snakes on the TV and now I’m told that Snake has been with me all along.
After that encounter, I felt it was time to leave. I asked my ancestor if he had a message for me. Of course he did.
“You have to learn our ways.”
Of course I do. This is in my blood. In my lineage. These are my ways. So it is.
I was first introduced to Yemanya when I heard Deva Premal singing ‘Yemaya Assessu’. There was just something about it that drew me to it. Over time I looked into who she was and discovered that she’s an African goddess. Yoruba, to be specific. The tribe that my (ex) husband descends from. Maybe her appeal (to me) is that she’s the mother of all.
I started a tarot self love challenge on Instagram today (1st Feb 2016) where there are 29 questions regarding self love and each day you ask one of them and draw a card for guidance. Today’s question, on day 1, was this. How can I cultivate more self-love in my life? I drew Yemanya. The insight I received was to go with the flow. It’s funny (not quite the right word) that I drew this card while sitting at the beach.
Later that day, after my gym session, I found myself back at the beach. Alone. It was perfect. I had wanted the time to just be. I noticed a piece of bark sticking out of the sand and pulled it out. It was perfect for a ritual I was wanting to do. I had been looking for a leaf to write on but this piece of bark was big enough to write everything that needed to be said.
I put it with my things with the intention of finding the right place to do the ritual on another day. I even thought of inviting someone to come with me to just hold the space for me. Then suddenly…BOOM!
The timing is perfect. You are ready. The Great Mama will hold the space for you. You are loved. There is only love. All love.
So I wrote. I cried. I wrote some more. I cried some more. Then I was ready. I had planned to bury whatever I had written on but now I felt compelled to give it to the sea. To Yemanya, Goddess of the living Ocean. To the Great Mama.
I started walking into the seas, it was low tide and I needed to get beyond the rocks. As I walked, I scanned the area and noticed a man in the distance. His pace meant that he’d reach me while I was still in the sea and I felt uncomfortable.
Maybe you have more to say.
So I went back and wrote a bit more. I acknowledged the man as he passed and the feeling of unease remained. He started making these ‘psst’ sounds at me as he walked. I ignored them at first. Looked up once and when he stopped, I carried on writing. I scanned the beach again and realised that the walkway to the beach closer to my car provided me with better access to the open sea and my letter wouldn’t get caught up in the rock pools.
I walked a bit on the burning tar, feet burning. Singing as I went. Back on the sand, I offered a feather I’d found on my path and then my letter. Asking Great Spirit, the Great Mama and all my guides to support me in letting go, in accepting and in surrendering to what is. Then I let it go. In my mind, on repeat,
I am safe and held in love and acceptance by the Great Mama.
There is only love.
Later that evening, Baby Girl and I went for a walk along that same stretch of beach. I looked out at the area where I’d walked earlier. It was now covered in water. The tide had come in. I wondered if I’d see my bark letter then realised that I was not attached to what happens to it now. That too, was part of letting go.
On reflection now, at the end of the day, I realise that Yemanya was offering me the opportunity to practice self-love by letting go. Today, I went with the flow. I didn’t need a perfect ritual. The way things happened was perfect for me.
I love going to the beach and being in the water. I don’t like swimming pools where the water gets very deep. This seems to bring up a deep fear that has kept me from being able to learn to swim. Despite having lessons in my childhood and even in my 30’s, I still couldn’t manage to swim proficiently.
Then I discovered EFT and after making inquiries at the school where Baby Girl is learning to swim, I took the plunge and signed up for lessons. The night before my first lesson, I sat quietly and thought about all the thoughts that I associate with swimming. This came up:
fear of drowning
fear of not being able to stand
fear of not being able to come up for air
fear of not being able to swim
embarrassed about not being able to swim
embarrassed about being afraid of deep water
fear of looking stupid
fear of what other people will think
fear of being laughed at
fear of not doing it properly
I took all of these things and I tapped and tapped and tapped until everything felt like a 0.
The next morning, when I arrived at the swimming school, I felt a bit nervous and as I approached the pool, I tapped on my fingertips while talking to the instructor. Just before she asked me to put my head in the water, I tapped a little more.
The video below is me, a few minutes into my first half-hour swimming lesson.